this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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