I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
