I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
