I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
