When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
