you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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