just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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