She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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