you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
