How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
