I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
