too bad you live with your parents still
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
