This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
