I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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