Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
