You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
