im having a threesome with these popsicles
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
