It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
