All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
