If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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