I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
