i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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