I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
