i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
