you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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