everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
