She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
