Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think people are normalizing furries
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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