SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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