Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
