naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
