I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
