make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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