there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
