We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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