i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
