I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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