So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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