love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
