Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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