so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Actions speak louder than pants.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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