i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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