end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i came on her dog
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
