Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
