how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
