I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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