operation harelip BJ is a go
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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