Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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