Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
