I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
