I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
