Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And then my night got REAL pukey
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
