wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
