I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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